Running For Those Who Can't.

I'm a little late this year on my annual "nothing is impossible challenge". In 2010 after I raced TransRockies (which I thought was impossible when I originally signed up), I challenged everyone to run this absolutely crazy marathon: the Powderface 42. Initially I had about 25 people sign up as part of the facebook group. And the day of the race there were 7 finishers that I could not have been more proud of, including my 56 year old father who I ran with for 8 hours through the mountains. You can read the post from last year. It was amazing. And for those who didn't make it to the race, I know that a lot of them started running or set new goals for themselves. And that is enough for me. I just want people to realize that sometimes you just have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and that more often than not, you will surprise yourself at what you are actually capable of. We tell ourselves stories and it becomes a pattern of "I can't". When in fact you CAN. So here is this year's challenge:

Blaine and Sarah Penny have a little boy, Evan, who is slightly older than my daughters Natalie and Jasmine. A few years ago Evan was a normal and healthy little boy. One day he complained of stomach pain, went into the hospital and came out a quadriplegic. He can no longer talk or eat. He has been diagnosed with Mitochondrial disease.

Video

I didn't actually know Blaine or Sarah a few years ago and heard their story one day on CBC radio and I think because of how close Evan is in age to my girls, it really hit me hard. I couldn't imagine having something like this happen. Turns out, Blaine and Sarah are both ultrarunners (in fact Blaine won the 50 mile Canadian Championships last year despite going off course due to a flagging mishap) in Calgary and we know a lot of the same people, and their daughter now goes to the same school as Natalie and Jasmine. I have been so inspired by their story and their dedication to building awareness and raising money for research into Mitochondrial disease. They are tireless. And they have built incredible momentum. They were a huge force behind starting a non-profit "Mito Canada" and have rallied incredible support from the running, biking and skiing community, getting people to run for Team MitoCanada at any race they enter. They've got people all over the place "Running for those who can't." Blaine, Sarah, Evan and Julia, I'm sorry I haven't done more to support you.



So don't tell me you can't. Evan can't. You CAN.
And today is the day you are going to start.

I am calling you to the start line of either the Calgary or Ottawa marathon weekend on May 27, 2012. You can run a marathon, a 10k, a 5k or even a 2k. And there are kids races too! You can join the MitoCanada team and Run for Those Who Can't. Help Blaine and Sarah fundraise. Their goal is to raise $15,000 but if they get 200 people registered and each raises even $100 that's $20,000. I've got 250 people on my health coaching page alone, can I get 20 of you to sign up?

So whether you come to Calgary and run with me (I will be doing the half that day), or you get some friends together and sign up for a local race and have Blaine ship you a team Mito tshirt, let's all get behind this. You only have two months to train, I know. You should ideally have three. But you just have to get there and finish it. That's it. Just finish it. If you need help getting started there are lots of local running clubs, the Running Room clinics, or just step outside your door with a pair of running shoes. Grab a friend and do it together. Here is how to register and start fundraising for Team MitoCanada:

Please post your progress on my facebook page or through the MitoCanada facebook page or website or both, because it will help others to get inspired. Talk about how your training and fundraising is going.

Nothing is impossible. You just have to take that first step.

Power's On. Go!

You can watch the Running on Empty documentary here.

Let's Dance

I have to admit this about myself. I run faster with good and/or new music. I've just been introduced to a podcast so I don't have to keep buying music, and I can ditch my usual sound track which I was getting so bored with. Is this why I was running so slow? Because I was bored? Bored with my usual road route, bored with my music? I needed a change.

I just about quit running the other day. Seriously. I was ready to give up. My legs hurt, and I felt like I was getting nowhere and I was not recovering from my runs. And I had no idea why. On top of this, my Achilles seemed to be getting tighter and tighter and nothing was working. Not ice baths, not acupuncture, not even time off. It's been driving me nuts.

Yesterday I left work for a lunch run and almost cried my Achilles hurt so much. I stopped at home (only 2 blocks away from my office) to switch shoes as a last ditch effort. Instead of my old road shoes, I decided to try one more time with my new Inov-8's. As I ran down the hill towards the river, on my toes rather than my heels... nothing hurt! I was hesitant but finally I was able to hold a decent pace so I came back to work happy. This morning Matt and I ran a 10k loop and we were even able to hold race pace for 4k of it, once again pain free. I didn't think I could go that pace any more but the music was fun and it's warming up to 15 here today. Thank God. All is not lost.

We get to work together from a coffee shop this afternoon and then plan to do a nice long trail run with Maui at Nose Hill before we go babysit my gorgeous niece Blaire this evening. I'm hoping this is the end of the injury... knock on wood.

So assuming my legs hold up, here is the tentative race plan for the year. As usual it's a bit road heavy at the start but gets into the trails in July. I've also got the three trail running camps and plan to spend most of my training time after Seattle on the trails.

January: Phoenix Marathon. Done.

April 1: Glencoe Icebreaker 10k
April 29: Policeman's’ half

May 27: Calgary Half Marathon

June 23: Seattle marathon

July 14: Powderface 42 trail marathon
July 21: Nipika Crazy Soles trail 25k

August 14: TransRockies Run 3

September 1: Meet your Maker 50 Sept 1

October 7: Victoria or Chicago Marathon Oct 7

Now I just have to stay healthy and injury free!

Gift from the Sea

My mother in law gave me a book when my daughters were born. Gift From the Sea was written in the 50s but I could not believe how applicable the concepts were to today, to my life. I felt like she was writing for me. She spoke of being a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter. Like me, she felt like she had to do it all. She addressed the feelings of 'motherhood guilt' that we all have, that we will never be good enough, give our children enough, and that the to do list is never ending, like waves filling in a hole you dig in the sand. Motherhood in itself is probably the most gratifying and fulfilling job in the world, but in those moments where you're buried under laundry and house cleaning and social engagements and work and you're going on no sleep it's hard to get perspective.

And stepping back sometimes, removing yourself from the situation even for a few blissful moments of silence, is often the best way to get that perspective. To learn that maybe you actually do love the chaos, the way your children wrap their arms around you, the constant laughter, being needed by a child. You can reflect on what they said and how much it meant, even though when they actually said it to you may not have paid attention because you were trying to get dinner on the table. And you can forgive yourself for not being present because for goodness sakes not everyone is a master of multi-tasking!

In Gift From the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh writes about a woman who takes a trip to a beach house, all alone and away from her family. She leaves with a To Do list... but while there realizes that there is so much renewal and re balancing that occurs as she learns to be still, to surrender, to be open and quiet. At first she feels odd and guilty, but then she relaxes and lets it take it's course. Her thoughts and realizations inspired me and made me realize that I too needed to ensure that I regularly took time to re balance myself, to come back to center, and that in doing this, I was an even better mother and wife than I would have been if I had tried to keep doing it all without stopping to breathe. It was an important lesson early on in motherhood. A few of her thoughts:

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.

I believe that what woman resents is not so much giving herself in pieces as giving herself purposelessly. (My thoughts on this are that while it's hard to see purpose in repeatedly doing the never ending chores, your job is SOOOO important to your family's stability. None of the jobs are sexy or rewarding, but they need to get done and usually we are the ones to just do them. Doesn't it drive you crazy that you have to be the bad guy, the disciplinarian that is there day after day, putting in the work, teaching consistency, cleaning up the messes, breaking up the fights, and that then dad or an aunt or uncle gets to swoop in and just reap all the benefits and be so much fun? It's like training for a race. No one sees the hours you put into the training, the work that goes on every day, even when your body hurts. But without putting in that hard work, you would never make it to the finish line.)

By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class.

-Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift From the Sea

This last quote isn't quite as relevant today for most North American women. We have gained a lot of independence and recognition for our 'unpaid' work. We are no longer tied to the house, or at least we have a choice now. And this has been written about extensively so I won't re-circle the argument, but suffice to say that a lot of women live in a constant state of exhaustion. I learned early on that I had to run to keep myself in balance. When my kids were little, my husband knew that at the end of the day when he got home, and I had been with the kids all day, that if I was on edge he just needed to push me out the door for a run and I would come back a different person.

Of my friends and the women I know, there seem to be two general types. Most of the mothers I know fall into the first category. This woman is constantly on the run but never really fulfilled. From the second she wakes up in the morning, she is taking care of everyone else, making breakfast, cleaning up, getting kids organized, driving to soccer or ballet or art lessons. Her husband is an incredible father and balances her and loves her, but also regularly takes time for himself to golf, play hockey, go for a drink with the boys. He also encourages his wife to take more time for herself, to go away for a weekend or even just to go for a massage. But she rarely takes him up on it. She lives in an almost constant state of exhaustion.

On the other side of the spectrum, I have a few girlfriends who have figured it out and are great role models for me. They truly walk around with a genuine smile on their face. These women, for whatever reason, know how important it is to take care of yourself. Because they know they will be a happier mother, sister, girlfriend, wife if they make sure that they are ok first. And they have energy. And they know how to say no. And they can delegate and ask for help. Believe me, there is proof that stress does a lot more damage than not finishing your vegetables one night. Living in a constant state of stress and overstimulation of the sympathetic nervous system will directly contribute to aging, immune system depletion, and a general wearing out of the body. Your body can't even digest food when it's in this state of stress!

The reason I'm writing this is two fold. One is because I keep meeting new moms that are completely burnt out and trying to do it all. And they just refuse to be away from their kids for any amount of time. Sure they do it all but they are so burnt out that there is not an ounce of joy left in them, or color in their cheeks. And I just want to put them on a plane to a beach. Everyone would do so much better with a little break.

Secondly, yes this is a blatant pitch for some great running vacations I'm putting together through TransRockies events. There are three to choose from depending on your goals. It's not about training. It's about vacation, renewal, learning and meeting inspiring people. It's about YOU! And it's just going to be a ton of fun. www.trailstriders.com

Remember, all of life is a cycle of build and destroy. You can't go hard without stopping. Bears hibernate, snow forces the flowers to sleep. A seed will not sprout without darkness and warmth. There is recovery in rest. Sometimes we build, sometimes we destroy, sometimes we rest and reflect. All of it is important, and sometimes you just need to step out of the cycle to shift your awareness. So consider giving yourself a break. The gift of rest so that you can recover and rebuild. You deserve it and will be a much happier person when you get back. Put a little joy back into your step.

Patience

Patience is not my forte. It never has been. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be. I’m trying.
So maybe it’s not the smartest thing to take on training for a marathon out of the blue, in the middle of winter and over the Christmas holidays with all sorts of ridiculous treats and temptations and Christmas parties and only five full weeks to train. But like I said in my last post, sometimes it’s fun to mix it up a bit.

The training for this race absolutely sucked. And by training I mean the mental training. The running was the easy part. I picked a pace and spent as much time as I could running at that pace or faster. My mental state was a completely different story. Not sure why I care so much about doing this fast marathon but I had stated a goal and it was important to me to reach it. I feel like the marathon is a benchmark for runners. You can kind of get away with doing a 10k or a half marathon and if you screw up on the training a bit you might still be ok. But with the marathon it’s a different story. You can’t just wing it. Or at least I can’t. I just had no idea whether my 3hr goal was actually possible or not. So there was a lot of doubt, a lot of negative self talk. But at the same time I didn’t take anyone’s advice. A couple people told me I wouldn’t be able to do it in less than 12 weeks and I chose not to listen. I wanted to trust my gut, see what I was really capable of instead of being limited by someone else’s idea of what is possible.

So while this weekend was very goal specific, it was also a birthday celebration weekend with one of my best friends in the world. Geneva and I have known each other since we were two and we have been through it ALL together. And she’s turning 30 a couple weeks after me so this was sort of our birthday girl trip too. And even if I hadn’t reached my goal, it would have been one of the best girl trips ever. We literally did not stop laughing from the time we got to the airport on Friday afternoon until I dropped her off in -40 at 1am Tuesday morning. And as much as she was nervous too, she was 100% full of positive pep talk all the way. I may not have believed her, but her enthusiasm and positivity was infectious and no doubt contributed to my mental state during the race.

So the actual race isn’t anything exciting. It’s 42km of road running. Essentially I just executed a plan. My goal was to run at 4:08/km (6:40 per mile) the whole way. I had had a few interesting marathon theory talks with Matty’s friend leading up to it and was told to just hold back until 32k. It was good advice. There were a few times that I wanted to race the girls ahead of me, as I would usually do, but I resisted. This race wasn’t about placing. It was about getting a time that I wanted. I mean don’t get me wrong, it always feels good to pass someone but I wasn’t going to blow up and wreck my race over it. I had my splits written on my left arm and my Garmin on my wrist.

My splits were a little off, so while I thought I was running 4:08 for the first half, I crossed it at 1:31. Not a great sign but it just meant I had to speed up a bit. So rather than doing 4:08s, I picked it up to about 3:55-4minute pace as far as my Garmin was telling me. This pace felt fairly effortless as well so I knew I could hold it. And by the time I got to 30.5km, I decided I didn’t want to wait any more to turn it on. So I picked it up again, holding about a 3:45 - 4 minute pace for the last 12k.


I had four gels with me, and my Vega Pre-workout energizer condensed in a little handheld bottle. I stopped and walked at almost every water station and forced myself to stay hydrated and not choke. My blood sugar didn’t dip once. I had one small cramp for about five minutes. The hill that looked so bad on the profile the day before seemed non existent leading up to the 32k mark and then it was almost all downhill from there. It was literally the perfect race, until the last 5k.

This was the point where I realized it was going to be really tight to get in under three hours. I was going as hard as I could but just couldn’t go any faster. If there was a wall to hit, it was here. Low blood sugar, legs exhausted, small rolls in the road feel like mountains. Part of me is saying “wow, Amy you actually might do this!” and at the same time I am ready to stop and walk. But here is where I start to tell myself: Amy you did not give up hours of time with the kids, plus this weekend, plus spend the money to get here, to give up now. Shut up self. Just finish the race.

When I crossed and looked at my watch, just under 3hrs and 1 minute, I didn’t have any surge of emotion. So odd. The whole day I just felt calm and stable. If I’d finished at 2:55 it might have been a different story. But I feel like I just trusted myself, put the work in, followed the plan, stayed calm and patient, and did what I went there to do. Sorta boring isn’t it?

So while I didn’t go ‘under’ three hours, I’d say I accomplished my goal. My official time was 3hrs, 51 seconds. I’m not going to get hung up on 52 seconds. If anything, the only thing that tells me is that I might have to do it again. Yes, I told myself that once I reached this three hour goal that I would never run another marathon. But it just felt so good. I mean compared to some of the trail races I’ve done, compared to Trans Rockies, it was like running on a treadmill. Two days later, Matty and I have already decided that we are going to register for the LA marathon on March 18. And hopefully this time, I will have a little more confidence in my abilities and just trust that if I put in the work and the miles, that things might just go according to plan.

What I wore: Arc’teryx clothing, Salomon calf sleeves.

Shoes: Inov-8 (yes I wore a trail shoe and yes, they felt great. Same ones I wore in Trans Rockies, I love them).

What I ate during the race: Vega Pre-Workout Energizer and four Vega sport gels. Breakfast was a lot of water, coconut water for electrolyte balance, 1/2 banana and a large coffee at 5am.

The day before I had fruit for breakfast, a huge kale salad from Whole Foods at lunch, about a cup of mulberries, banana chips and almonds, one head of parsley (to help with the water retention from the airplane), and for dinner I had an apple and half an avocado. I tend to not eat much the day before a race, I just do better when there is less in the system. Digestion takes a lot of energy. So you have to balance out the energy you get from eating, vs the energy it takes to digest the food. In my case, less is more. We went to bed pretty early but I didn’t sleep very well which was ok because I had slept really well all week. Also - last run was on Tuesday and took the rest of the week off because of some muscle spasms in my back. Just a light 4k run on Saturday.

*As a side note, I found out a few months ago that I have very low Ferritin levels. This might have been why I felt so horrible at TransRockies the whole time because if your levels are under 20 then racing at altitude gets pretty tough. So I’ve been supplementing with a liquid iron and I think it helped a lot. My diet is pretty full of dark green leafy veg and occasionally red meat, but apparently I needed more. It's funny, I'm a nutritionist. I should have known this but it's one thing to see it in others, another to recognize the signs in yourself. I tell you this because I know I'm not the only mom out there that forgets to nourish herself. Ladies- pay attention and make sure you stay on top of your health so you can be your best. It's a simple blood test. Make time.

When?

It was a simple question. Back in September I was at a coffee shop with a friend. We’ve just ordered our coffees and I mutter:

“I really should switch to decaf”. I’ve probably been saying this for 5 years now because every time I give up coffee I feel great, calm, focused. But then life gets crazy and I’m going on little sleep and I fall back into the pattern of the rich, dark, warm morning goodness.

His response to my question: “When Amy?”
Silence. I had no words.

His was not the typical response. And it made me realize that I had said this so many times and most of the time my friends would empathize with me, instead of calling me on my statement. He was absolutely right. Why say it if you’re not going to do something about it? Why do we make these statements: the should have, would have, could have statements that imply that somehow there is an outside force acting on our lives instead of taking responsibility for our own actions? And more importantly, why do we fall into patterns so mindlessly which then become the fabric of who we are? When do we decide to break those patterns, move them out and replace them with things that make us feel empowered and good about the direction our life is going? When do we choose to follow our dreams and take that first step, as small or large as it is?

When?

Well... now.

There’s a saying: “If it’s important to you you’ll make it happen, if it isn’t, you’ll make an excuse”. I have been hesitating in writing about this because once I do, I’m committed. But here goes: I’ve decided to attempt another marathon. And my goal is to go under 3 hours. On January 15 in Phoenix. Crazy, unrealistic, stupid. But that’s part of the experiment. Is it possible? I don’t really have enough time. But I’d like to see what I’m capable of.

I only decided this a couple of weeks ago. Most people (smart people) would suggest a minimum of 10-12 weeks of lead up time for a marathon. As of the start of this week, I have six. Or five if you count the one week of taper before the race. But I’m the type of person who as soon as you tell me I can’t do something, I am probably going to do it just to make a point. Sometimes it works out and it drives me enough to prove something to myself. Other times it bites me in the ass and I totally screw up or get injured, or am not prepared for a given situation. But I think this might just work out. While September was a total write off after Trans Rockies and I only ran just to run but without any specific focus, about mid way through October I started increasing my mileage, aiming for 100k/week. Instead of my usual 10-12k loop, I started making it 15-20, mostly on the trails and with lots of hills. I got up to about 85 or 90 a few weeks in a row, then had to back off for a week, and then back up. Knock on wood, so far I’m injury free. So I’m feeling pretty good these days, although all of that mileage has just been mileage. Nothing specific and no real method to the madness or speed work or tempo running (although lots of hills).

I am an emotion driven runner. Without a doubt. I always have been. Something bothering me: I run. Something I’m super happy about: I run. Piss me off, look out. (My boyfriend was the lucky recipient of this little burst of energy one morning a few weeks ago when I had received a frustrating email and incidentally completely shut up, put my head down and ran. Needless to say next time I offered him banana pancakes or a run, he chose the pancakes over the “pain cave” as he puts it :)

Looking back I think that might be why I started running when I was a teenager. Through my parents divorce it was my escape, not to mention a great endorphin kick that I gradually became addicted to, a way to calm me. Maybe I was avoiding something, but right or wrong, it always worked. The way I look at it I could have gone the ‘troubled teen’ route and become addicted to drugs at that stage when things were tough. Fortunately I had some really great coaches and role models in my life and so I count my blessings and I became addicted to running. I find these days a lot of things make me run fast, an inspiring song, inspiring stories, music, or someone’s struggle and persistence against odds. That always gets me. I’m taking a risk here, but most people laugh when I tell them that I listen to 2Pac on days when I need to run really fast. There is something about someone fighting through crappy circumstances that increases my pain threshold. I know that this marathon goal is a bit unrealistic, but it’s also giving me a boost of energy for exactly that reason.

When the alarm went off at 630 this morning, the last thing I wanted to do was run 20k, but I had to get it done and that was my window. This week I set a goal of 100k total. I was at 70 as of this morning with two days to go. I fed the dog, pounded a cup of coffee and the Vega electrolyte energizer, and I literally had to force myself out the door. The cold hit my lungs and really woke me up as I sprinted the km or so over to SAIT where I bought a pass to use the treadmills for mornings just like this when it was too cold and I just didn’t need the added fight against the elements on my run. I decided that I’d made it this far so I was going to do a proper warm up and ease my aching body into it slowly. 5 miles in and I felt great. I had woken up and was ready to test myself again.

Part of the reason I was so tired last night was because I had stayed up too late reading. Blogs, books, and even watching you tube videos on marathons. Sorting out pace predictors, deciding on my pace, wondering what was possible. Can I actually run 42k faster than 6:50/ mile? I don’t really know, but until I start getting comfortable at that pace or even as fast as 6:15s, I don’t stand a chance. I can either hurt in the training or hurt during the race. My choice.

I don’t know if maybe the treadmill is off at SAIT but last week I attempted my first 10mile tempo run and did it in 64 minutes. I don’t know how. But I did. This morning after my 5 mile warm up I ran a 38.45 10k (and yes, the elevation was set at “1” for those of you who know treadmills), and felt pretty good. My 10k road pb is a 38.30 so I was really happy with this time, especially given how awful I felt when I woke up. The same song was on repeat on my ipod because it was what I needed to hear to get through the workout. I’m at 90k now, so if I do another 10-15 tomorrow I will have hit my goal of 100k this week. I’m just not making excuses any more. And I’m not going to blame anyone, or take anyone’s advice at this point. I think I can do it. And... to be completely honest, if I don’t make it I’m ok with that. But I want to try. If nothing else, it will give me a focus through the holidays.

My New Years resolutions came early this year.

And... I’m turning 30 at the end of January. Not something I’m worried about or fearing but it is a milestone. I feel like I've accomplished a lot in my life so far, and I am completely happy. And the only thing I really have left on my bucket list right now is a sub 3 hour marathon. I attempted it once in 2006 when the kids were 18 months old. Training for a marathon while pushing twins on every training run was tough. The Calgary marathon is known to be a bit of a slower course so I was relatively happy with a time of 3:17 and a 2nd place finish in my age group, but I knew I could have done better because I had run a 126 half a few months prior to that. I entered the Vancouver marathon in 2010 but had to pull out with an injury at 32k. Disappointing. Last summer I ran a 125 half in Calgary, which was a last minute entry. I’m still kicking myself for not attempting the full that day because I feel like I could have done it.

Regardless, WHEN is NOW. I have the focus, the desire, the health, and I think the base to do this so I’m going for it.

There I’ve said it. Out loud. So now you can hold me accountable.

So what’s your WHEN?

And then the Sun came out

It’s been one of those particularly trying weeks of juggling a crazy schedule with work, research, meetings, runs and catching up from being away. There were a few points this week where I thought I might drop one of the balls, forget a meeting or miss something critical on the never ending to do list, especially given the chronic lack of sleep this week. But, it all went pretty smoothly and just knowing that I had the weekend with my daughters kept me going. I’ve been away a lot lately and was really missing just having some time with them to play and be outside in the beautiful fall weather.

I had planned to get up and run with Brooke first thing this morning, but because I had promised Nat and Jas a mountain biking lesson, I decided to do my run at Nose Hill while the girls biked. This way I can get Maui an off leash run, I get my workout in and the girls are happy. My parents just bought them new bikes and they’re way too big, so even though they had mastered these trails last year on their little bikes, today it was like starting fresh.

I was pushing my luck a bit, knowing the forecast was for rain but I thought I could still squeeze this in as it was our only chance before the day got busy. I consider turning around numerous times. But the girls are having none of it. I promised them and they are holding me to it. We get the bikes unloaded, everyone dressed in their mitts and jackets, and Jasmine falls off her bike within the first few minutes. It’s raining. It’s cold and before we’ve even gone 3km we’re all on the verge of tears and frozen. The only happy one in the bunch is Maui, who has been pouncing joyously through the fields, covering himself in burrs. Great. One more thing on the to do list. I feel horrible for making Jasmine get back on her bike after bashing up her tail bone. I hate seeing her in tears because she so rarely cries that if she does, I know she's really hurt or upset. Weather can just make everyone miserable. But I’m determined not to give up. I’ve got big backpacking plans for us as a family next year and if I don’t get the girls used to some less than ideal weather conditions, we’ll never get through.

There are days when I wonder why I bother. I make all these big plans for outings, learning experiences, art, culture, exposure to new ideas to help the girls grow into well rounded individuals. And it always takes a lot of effort and coordination. I’ve learned to go with the flow if things change, as they always do, without being invested in an outcome. But sometimes nothing goes as planned and you wonder why you even tried. When the girls were first born, a lot of the moms I met in Calgary used to ask me why I raced. Why bother? You’ve got enough on your plate. Aren’t you exhausted? You run while your kids nap? Don't you just sit down and watch tv? My parents are continuously telling me to take less on. That I’m doing too much. Maybe they’re right. Maybe it’s easier to stay at home. What the hell am I doing out in a rainstorm with my kids when we’ve got so much on the go today? While Natalie is fearlessly ripping ahead, Jasmine is getting off at every tiny little hill. Still in tears. I just want to make it easy for her. As a mom it’s so hard. How much do you push, force them into something they’re afraid of. When do you give in and turn around? Let them succumb to their fears? Why was I being so hard on her?

But then the storm broke. Within minutes the dark clouds shifted past us and the sun came out. We round the corner, with a view of the entire city, the golden fields ahead of us, fall colors all around. It’s beautiful. And everyone starts to warm up.

For the next hour we play up there. The girls ride the hills, even hit a few little jumps. Their tears quickly dry and the smiles return to their faces. I get to actually witness the shift from fear and hesitance, to pride in themselves as the miles tick by. We’re laughing, joking, learning how to ride down bumpy downhills, how to climb the ups. How to shift gears. Which brakes to use. They get faster and faster, so I'm getting a great run in.

And as we’re getting back to the car two hours later, Jasmine says to me “Mom thanks for not letting me give up. Sometimes you have to scare yourself to get better right?”. And all of a sudden, it was all worth it.

So don't let less than ideal conditions stop you today. Life will always present you with a challenge. If you're watching for them, every day you will be presented with opportunities for growth. It's a fork in the road. You can choose the easy path and stay where you are. Or you can choose the rougher road and grow past where you thought you could be. It might be as simple as the opportunity to show compassion to someone and stopping to help rather than walking by. It might be signing up for a new class. It might be taking an even bigger risk. I've been so fortunate to have people who have put me in situations that were way over my head, and certainly out of my comfort zone. And while I could have killed them at the time, I was incredibly grateful afterwards. Things never show up the way you thought they would. That's part of the fun in life, waiting for the next surprise. The next opportunity for growth. Persist. The sun will come back out.

Like childbirth, as the ache slowly leaves my muscles, so too do the painful memories of the race, and I am even considering running again some time next week. :) Charlie and Alan, fellow trail trashers who attended TR this year, sum it up like this: There are three kinds of fun:

Type 1 fun is "it was awesome!" kind of fun.
Type 2 is "it was only fun when looking back".
Type 3 fun is "it wasn't fun at all, the only reason is could be called fun at all is for the story telling value….as in “we all survived”.

Right now I’m wavering between 1 and 2. Which is why I waited a few days post race to complete this blog. Because otherwise it just would have been a lot of bitching and moaning and no one would ever consider attending this race, and no doubt would be questioning my sanity, for doing something so clearly painful.

I don’t know that I would use a “fun” scale to assess Trans Rockies. Rather, did you learn from it, was it worth the experience. While the social aspect, meeting others who are passionate about the same things as you, comparing feet around the campfire (yes, runners are a little odd and when put in a room with other runners will naturally default to comparing battle scars and charm you with details of bowel movements and voiding on the trails) was fun, I can’t yet say that the actual running was “fun”. It was a heck of a lot of work. I have to work really hard at running. First of all, I'm not one of those naturally skinny runners and in running, a few pounds makes a huge difference. Secondly and not in order of importance, my daughters are the most important thing in the world to me and my time with them is precious, so giving up any time with them means that it damn well better be worth it. I trained really hard for this race, took time away from my beautiful girls and work, and focused a lot of my energy into doing well. So while there are times that I run purely for pleasure, and plan to pick my way through the alps on foot one day going at whatever speed I like and stopping as often as I want to, this was a race. I had set goals and was pretty determined to succeed no matter how much my body protested. Fun wasn’t really on my menu during the race. Not until stage 7 when the tequila shots came out anyways.

But there is no question in my mind that it was an unbelievable experience. And I have absolutely no regrets. So in a way, it was a bit of a number 3 type of fun. Unless you are one of those people who has mastered living in the moment, which I try very hard to do on a daily basis, it’s hard not to think about a warm bed while you’re sleeping in a cold wet tent with someone snoring beside you, hunger pains ripping at your stomach. Or to think of a hot tub and a glass of wine and dinner parties with friends while you’re climbing a relentless hill with 14 blisters shooting pain into your feet, knowing full well that there is no way out of this other than admitting defeat (not really an option), and that you still have another 25km to run. Or to wonder if you're a good mother because you've left your children at home in pursuit of something totally selfish and self-fulfilling. But the truth is, when you’re in your warm bed, or having that dinner party or glass of wine, it’s just that much more enjoyable because you have fully experienced the other end of the spectrum. To know pleasure, we must know pain. To know love, we must know indifference. To know joy, we must experience sorrow. And I would rather live my life experiencing every inch of that spectrum than to stagnate in my comfort zone.

This race was one of the toughest weeks of my life. Unlike last year, where everything was new and just completing the event meant that I had succeeded because when I signed up I didn’t even think it was possible, this year I had some very specific goals. Rosemarie and I wanted to do well. We wanted to be on the podium and we were willing to fight for it.

And fight it was. This year’s open women’s category was stacked. We realized this on the first day when we beat last year’s winning time and still only placed 3d. For example - Brianna Torres is a previous USA marathon trials competitor (2:44). Cynthia Arnold can run 2:54 for her best marathon and recently placed 2nd at Pikes Peak. Team Inov-8’s Amy Lane is an avid 100miler. And when we crossed the finish line on day 6, we had only held 2nd by a margin of 17 seconds. Absolutely crazy considering we had just run 120 miles. But that’s how tight it was every day. There was literally no time for anything and no room for screwing up.



A word on my partner: she is not human. She is a super human with apparently incredible pain tolerance and ability to work on almost no fuel, in a human’s body. :) In all honesty though, Rosemarie Gerspacher has incredible strength. We didn’t know each other that well going into this race and she was clearly much stronger than I. For the most part, runners are not team players, including myself, so this event is a challenge for everyone. I know that Rosemarie struggled in having to wait for me or go at my pace. The days I tried to stay with her I just blew up and couldn’t get my legs to come back. The days we started slowly, which is usually not my style, we were able to keep running on hills that others walked, and to slowly overtake one team at a time. Almost every team has one strong and one “less strong” runner. Doing well at this event is about working together. Going into this race I was absolutely against towing I experienced it for a few moments last year when Martin Gaffuri tried to tow me on day 6 and I was having none of it. But this year, I was literally told by last year's winner Max King that if we wanted to do well, we were going to have to suck it up. “Amy, you think my partners like being towed? You think they don’t have to put their egos aside? Deal with it.” and he hands me his tow rope in exchange for my pink Arc’teryx running skirt which I have to say looked incredible on him ;).

I’m not going to write about each stage of the race now that it’s over. Essentially each day went like this: wake up at 530am, force feed yourself even though you want to vomit, try to hold a conversation with other blurry headed runners, try not to be too negative, consider going back to tent and hiding, consider checking in at local movie theatre for the day, crap! ok fine i’ll line up on the start line but i don’t plan to make it to the finish, self talk yourself into positive thinking, take tylenol and advil and other supplements that make you feel like you have a chance in hell at not feeling pain, hydrate, balance electrolytes, line up at the medic tent to have your feet wrapped and pray that the tape will hold the skin in place for one more day, actually line up on start line, feel overwhelming sense of community and camaraderie as you look around at the incredible people standing there in the cold with you, feeling just as much pain and reluctance as you yet lining up anyways, feel that surge in your heart and let it overflow through your eyes for a second, swallow, insert earphones, start watch and ipod, and then the gun goes off. Start running, legs are burning, lungs are searching for oxygen knowing full well you’re working on about half of what you’re used to... and then.... you just drop into this zone. A zone of the present. And really, I have to be grateful for this because while there are moments throughout the day where I go somewhere else, think of my kids or that hot tub, I probably spend 99 % of the time fully present. Picking my line on a technical down hill, calming my breathing, assessing blood sugar and whether or not it’s worth the effort of getting a gel out of my pocket and trying to swallow water, while breathing, without stopping so that Rosemarie doesn’t kill me. Choke, breath, splutter, swallow, breath.

If you’re interested, you can view the stages here:

So what did I learn from this event? Not to give up. Day six was tough. It was tough in every way it can be and just when I thought the pain was about to stop, they threw in another relentless hill. We knew we were in 3d place but had no idea by how much. Because we hadn’t seen the 2nd place team all day I had no idea whether they had dropped out or were so far ahead of us that we had completely lost our 15 minute lead from the day before. But I refused to give up. Because who knows, it could come down to 17 seconds. And it did. Zac and Stephanie lost 2nd in the mixed category by 10 seconds. That could have been us. So I’m glad that I didn’t surrender to the pain, or throw a tantrum at being the weaker link on the team.




Thank you to all of you for your prayers and positive thoughts and good energy you sent during our race. It was tangible when I called on it. Thank you to my sponsors, Arc’teryx, Vega and Inov-8 for making this event within reach for me. Thank you to my coach Cal Zarytski for believing in me and writing an incredible program! Thank you to the Trans Rockies crew, who went out of their way for us at every opportunity especially Matt Pasley, Tyson Greenman, Memphis Jo, Cynthia Aamon of Gore for being the enthusiastic camp mom, Magi for doing my laundry one night (you have no idea how great that is until you’ve smelled a runner’s tent on day 4). Thank you to my team mate for her patience and strength and determination. Thank you to my daughters for letting me go, I know it’s hard. Thank you to all the other runners for the words of encouragement while we struggled out there together. Thank you to my fellow Trail Trashers and especially Charlie for her spirit and enthusiasm and for always making me smile. And thank you to a surprise breakfast companion, you know who you are, whose openness, empathy, passion and compassion and inspirational words in the last hours before I left, gave my tired legs a new spring.

This event is not for everyone, but like last year, I would challenge each of you reading this to set a goal for yourself that you think is impossible. And then just don’t give up. Take small steps, start slow if you have to, but just don’t give up. Because you never know what you’re capable of until you try.

A few links to race videos and photos:
Stan and Monica's video

Trans Rockies site photos